Monday, October 31, 2011
For many years I have been searching for S.A.R.A.H. I was pondering what it was that I have been stalking for so many years. I stated in a previous blog when you allow a question to rest and it is no longer a distraction to you eventually the answer will reveal its self to you. When I finally allowed the question to rest I was blown away at what was revealed to me. For many many years now I have beening searching for "The American Dream" also known as SARAH. Think about it everyone seeks some form of serenity. Billions of people search for acceptance everyday. Whether it be from their peers or careers its often a huge factor in motivating our decisions. Respect will often attach its self to acceptance because people often pair the two off. Many believe that if they are accepted by their peers and society that will ensure respect. But we often forget that respect starts within if you do not respect your self first no one else will. Close on its heel is accolades we often look for physical accolades to define who we are. And then there is happiness. We often attribute happiness to the many accolades we have accomplished. We look at only the physically tangible items in our lives. Our cars, homes, and children. All these years I have searched for SARAH never stopping to really understand the true meaning of SARAH. Never once stopping in my journey to realize that I have met SARAH several times. Movie nights with my daughter is serenity for me. My boss asking for my input on different subject matters is my acceptance. When children say "yes please" and "no thank you" that is respect for me. Watching my daughter eyes light up when I let her help me cook is a huge accolade for me. Being able to wake up every day with a clean slate is happiness for me. So, I ask you today are you searching for SARAH and if so how is that working for you?
Sunday, October 30, 2011
The sun has set and rose many a days since my last blog. I will admit that I became slightly discouraged no one was reading my blog. But I remembered that I did not start this blog because I wanted people to read it. I started the blog to help and encourage myself transition into a better me. So, I am officially back in the saddle.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
The most important thing I have learned in the last few days. Is that when you are striving to put your best you forward. Obstacles, seem to come from nowhere. The very issue you have worked yourself through tries to sneak its way back toward you. Carrying gifts of memories convincing you to think back to the good old days. When you were "blissfully" happy. Listen to me people the past is just that the past and the only thing you can be taught from the past is a lesson learned. Let your new beginning guide your foot steps. To truly embrace your new beginning you have to let go of the past. I know it will be hard but think of all the new beginnings waiting for you to notice them. Some of us are so afraid of letting go of the past. Because sometimes that means letting go of someone you care for. We, often do not realize that what we are so afraid of losing was actually never really ours to begin with. Trust in yourself enough to know that when you let go you will not fall. Let the past land where it may. Place your hand into your new beginning and just start walking. Always, remember the past will never change. No, matter how many times you rethink it. It will forever remain the past-unchangeable.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Ladies, have you found yourself walking in circles for miles -years even. Wondering when you are supposed to take the next left or right. I know you are frustrated, tired, confused and angry. As women we sometimes travel with too much equipment or the wrong equipment. Hell, let’s be honest you are frustrated and angry because you are lost. You have no clue how to read the compass you have been holding for the last umpteen years and the map you have is so old it’s fried and frayed at the ends. People have often mistaken it for a treasure map.
Think about your life like this. You are the fried and frayed map lost without destination in mind or sight. The compass you keep holding onto is baggage and we all know that sometimes when your bags are too heavy they will not budge. First thing you should do is acknowledge that you are lost and that the compass you are carrying is outdated. I know you are wondering how all this is supposed to fuse together seamlessly. It does and here is how:
STEP ONE: Acknowledge that you have ALLOWED some unwanted things in your life. Do not admit to what has happened in your life. Admit implies a reluctance to acknowledge the truth. Acknowledge implies admission of the truth. The truth is that you allowed some turmoil to erupt into your life. Once you acknowledge your role in the upheaval of life then and only then will you be able to move toward correcting it.
STEP TWO: Compass. A compass is supposed to tell you where you are whether it be south or north. It's sole purpose is to direct you to your next point. Sometimes we allow other people to become our compass. Allowing them to take us where they wish. They become extra baggage that weighs you down. You allowed them to take control of your compass. TAKE it back. That compass that you have allowed someone else to operate represents your life. You need to acknowledge that you gave up control over it. Get it back and retrace the origin of where you first started alone. Sometimes traveling alone is best.
STEP THREE: MAP. Your map shows your movement through life. Sometimes, those saddles, ridges, rifts, and valleys we see are our up’s and downs in life. Absolutely, everything we do in this lifetime will be on our map and whether or not your map shows a line that seems to go nowhere is up to you. Stop making excuses of why your map seems to go nowhere. You acknowledged that you allowed unhealthy situations in your life. You took your compass back from whatever was holding you stagnant. Now all you have to do is orient yourself and start moving in a direction that you see fit for your life.
Even if no one ever follows this blog. I now have the confidence to continue writing.
I arrived at my weekly luncheon series excited and ready to learn more about life in general. But what I learned today was truly heaven sent. I wrote about comfirmations in my previous blog. What I learned today was indeed a confirmation. Fear has crippled me from doing so many great things in life. I honestly did not realize that I have been feeding fear for a very long time. I wonder if I could file that on income taxes next year!!! Fear comes in so many shapes and directions that if you were not aware (which most are not) it could suffocate you. Few people outside of my family know about the one big dream I have. I want to bceome a writer. That is perhaps the one thing in life I feel I am extrordinary at. As, a child writing was my way of exscaping reality. I felt no one could penetrate the words and images I would conjure up. My poems and stories became my shield from a world that could be harsh and malicious. I have always had a way with manipulating words to do as I wished. Often times the words became the tears I physically could not shed. I gave my dream up thinking I would never make it as a writer because I did not possess the technical side of writing. I did not care about periods, commas, and question marks-I still do not care. I just wanted to write. Fearing that no one would ever care to read what I had to say. I locked my dream away. Secretly, going back to touch its loving embrace slowly dying inside every time I walked away. Some months ago I started writing a pamphlet about women discovering themselves. I titled it "Finding Your Way Back to You" It was supposed to be a self-help guide to redirect women back to self-discovery. I stopped writing it for several reasons the couple that reaches out to me the most is fear and why listen to me. Fear because I was terrified no one would want to know what I had to say on this subject and why listen to me because I myself had not followed the guide. But I am ready now!! I am ready to step rather I should say leap out on faith and put my writing on display for all to see. Flaws and all. So my next blog will be the first chapter of the pamphlet I am writing. Stay Tuned
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My day has begun and I feel so full of new beginnings. I have not blogged in a few days. Simply, because I am just now digesting what I have learned the past few days. Lately, I feel like my life is coming together nicely. As, I stated in my first blog I cut my hair. Sunday, I was invited to attend a meeting for women with natural hair. Truly, I did not think I would find many women there- I was wrong. There were plenty!!! I thought that I would feel out of place and overwhelmed. Surprisingly, I felt connected to these beautiful women. They were embracing their naturalness and individuality in such a confident way. As, I write this blog I am thinking back to Sunday because I awoke feeling different about myself. Its funny but I woke up feeling extremely sexy and beautiful!!! I had decided that morning that I will always awake this way. It was the first day I truly embraced my short hair and liked everything I saw. I felt like I no longer need such attachments as my shoes and clothes to define me. That first glance of beauty will forever be etched in my memory. I think that morning I saw how other people have probably seen me- far longer than I have. Do not misunderstand, I did not think I was ugly. But I did not believe I was beautiful either. Sunday, I looked at me for the first time ever. It is hard to explain what I saw because sometimes beauty is simply unexplainable. It was more than what I saw. It was a feeling, taste and a touch that I felt upon that first glance. It was wonderful!!! Was this a confirmation or a coincidence that I met such a strong and beautiful group of women. Right, when I discovered the beauty within me. Hmm, I wonder?
Thursday, October 6, 2011
There is so much information that I have acquired or been privy to on how to move on. But the sad matter is up until now. I had no inkling on how to apply it. I make it a habit to stay above water on certain subjects. Because you just never know when the information may be useful to someone. I have discovered or rather I should say rediscovered that change can come only when you are ready to change. I have been struggling for months wondering why I seem to be moving nowhere. Flustered, at the simple thought that as I stand rooted to this spot everything around me continues to move. I try forcing myself to move-nothing happens. I try mentally willingly myself to move but I remain there. Sometimes, it takes someone you do not know to point out what those close to you already stated. For the past couple of weeks I have been attending a seminar during lunch. I have learned a great deal about why I have not moved forward in my life. I have been carrying so much baggage that it was impossible for me to move. I never acknowledge that I was ready to move on with my life. Oh, for sure I have cried and talked about it with friends. But I never took that step forward in moving on. I kept going back to the past because I could not get past the hurt and anger. The only way to truly move on is to take the first step into your future. The only thing the past is good for is a lesson learned. But know this until you are ready to move away from the past and into your future. You will remain rooted where you are.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
A few sunrises have passed since I last blogged. I have been in what I refer to as a "Mental Reflection." What that means is simply that I have been doing a lot of self-reflection mentally. I have questioned my actions, reactions, desires, and, thoughts. The one question that presents itself so vividly within my mental mirror is " Why Letting Go Is So Much Harder Than Holding On." I have wondered, pondered, analyzed, and deconstructed that question. After all that thinking I still had no clue. Finally, after feeling defeat caressing me tenderly I fell asleep without the answer. I awoke the next day slightly agitated and somewhat distracted. Wondering, what I could have missed. I pushed the thought from mind with a powerful shove- I have work to do. Funny thing is when you allow a question to rest eventually the answer will come to you when its no longer a distraction to you. I was sitting at home eating when the answer rung my doorbell mentally.! This is what I have discovered well it is my opinion at least. Letting something go means that you set it free it is no longer connected to you. People are perhaps so afraid of letting go of what they already know. That they are not willing to take a chance simply because they do not know what is to come. The unknown frightens many and sometimes that is what holds us prisoners to our current predicaments. I am discovering everyday that letting go is very hard. I battle daily not to succumb to the familiar. Some days I am extremely successful and there are days I feel as if I have losted the battle. But what I admire the most is I never give-up. As long as I continue to fight eventually I will win the war.