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Sunday, March 9, 2014

Forgiveness Is Not Tangible

For the past few years I have been trying to forgive my ex-husband. I have overcame stages and stages of hurt and anger. But the stage I find most difficult is Forgiveness.  I used to think that if I put him out of my thoughts and memories that meant that I had forgiven him. But if someone brought up his name it was instant fury and deep seeded rage that coursed through my veins. I had not succeeded in forgiving as I told everyone.  The only thing I succeeded in was pushing thoughts and memories of him to the far corners of mind never to be thought of again, unless someone mentioned his name. So, for the past few years I have been on a quest to forgive a man that hurt me deeply. I have tried all manner of things and they worked-temporarily.  I made the assumption that forgiveness was tangible. Simply, stated I thought that forgiveness was something I could touch.  Recently, I have learned that forgiveness is not an item that can be touched. But I thank God he surrounded me with great friends that has helped me to understand the real meaning of forgiveness. God forgave man he even allowed his only son to be crucified for our sins. When I think of this I feel really childish, I only have a broken heart to consider unlike God who watched his son be beaten and crucified. Forgiveness is letting go of whatever hurt and anger you allowed to attach itself to you. After years of trying to forgive and failing I am starting to see just how great life can be once you rid yourself of old wounds.

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