Fear

I am and always have dreamed big. As a child I lost myself in my alternate reality where I was a success. I never waivered my steps in going after what I wanted.  I was dogged and determine to become infamous. In reality I have become the opposite. I still have dreams that I feel could changed the world. However, the confidence to achieve them has faded away. Do not get me wrong I am still confident just not of my own dreams. I consider myself to be a “Pusher” if you tell me your goals and dreams I will do all I can within in my power of persuasiveness and plain old’ annoyance to convince you to push yourself over the finish line. I do not waiver in my attempts to motivate and encourage you to reach deep down within for that last bit of strength. Just when you feel you can go no further I am whispering in your ear encouraging you with the strength that I have to keep going just a bit further.

         Lately, a feeling of discontent has started to invade my mind. I feel it coursing towards my heart. I feel lost as If I’m walking a great distance on my own. I do not see anyone just a long road stretched toward infinity. Unfortunately, I cannot stop to rest because I feel fear is a hairs breath behind me. I feel it calling me and I simply cannot ignore its mournful wail. I hear the exhaustion of trying desperately to be something wonderful within its tune. I keep walking but my tears have blurred my vision. I continue to walk because I know what awaits me if I stop.

         Weary. I am mentally exhausted. I know that I need to push myself out of my comfort zone. Become the brilliant person God molded me to be. Fear has ties upon me and I simply do not know where to start to cut them.

Dear Friend,

Today, I watched heartache cling to my friend. I watched as she wearily fought the pain that steadfastly stretched its serrated limbs toward her heart. I heard the tears fall well before they slid down her face coming to a halt only to drop one at a time. My heart aches for her because I know how she feels. I know the hurt and pain that's stalking her. For several years during my marriage and after my divorce pain cradle my heart and anger fueled my veins. I went through a whirlwind of emotions. The one emotion that seemed to cultivate all the others was heartache. Heartache has a way of suffocating you with memories of a time when happiness was never questioned. So, my friend I just want you to know that you must prepare yourself for a fight. You have to fight to take back your independence and self love. There will be moments when you hurt so bad you cannot fathom why it is happening to you. There will be moments of crystal clarity and comforting confidence. Those are the moments you need to fuel you through the downpour of heartache. Always, remember that when you have absolutely no one to depend on when you need them the most God will always be their with open arms.

Through the Storm

It rained heavily this past weekend. I watched the rainfall in large tear-like droplets. I watched and sat quietly in deep concentration. Sometimes clarity comes when we least expect it. I watched as the rain beat upon the roof with a serrated rhythm. I glanced at the clouds rolling quickly with impatience. The sky smudged with too much of a gray-like frustration. I closed my eyes hoping to erase the image from my memory but then I could hear the wind howling its mournful tune of regret. I could not escape. I have depended heavily upon my ability to shut down reality and morph into my own altered reality. I was powerless. Clarity is refreshing once you get over the shock. I could not shut myself off from reality because that storm was me. I have struggled so much from lack of confidence to wondering about my purpose. I have pondered about my purpose for so long I cannot remember a time that I haven't. I have hugged fear tighter than my own child. My life has been a remix of oxymorons and words.  I am most comfortable within the catacombs of my own mind.  Sometimes we are our own worst enemy. I know that my storm will also be my testimony. I am exhausted. Tired of running from myself. Especially tired of running from GOD. So to anyone that may be struggling with their purpose just know that fear of the unknown will always hold you captive in your storm- embrace it. 

I wonder......

It has been a long time since I have actually sat down and wrote on my blog. I have had intentions and heavens knows I have had so much to discuss.  I have been lazy and scared. Some people are great at many things and some such as myself have only been given one great gift. Writing is mine. Writing is suppose to be how I reach out to the world to touch lives. I sit within the cage of my own construction afraid to take the leap and put myself out there for the world to critique. As a child one of my favorite movies was " I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" I remember watching the movie and then begged my mother to get me the book that had that particular poem within it. Recently, I was going through some of my books finally getting ready to donate some because I have so many. I am a serious book hoarder and I do not like to give books away. I have books that are no longer in print. I figured I may as well donate them to a good cause. I found the book as I was sorting through boxes upon boxes.  I read the poem and cried. I am that caged bird. I long so much to be a great writer.  I keep myself locked away in the cage because I am terrified of the unknown. I am learning that you can not be a blessing or a motivator to someone else if you never put yourself out there. So, no more of me not putting my gift to good use.  God entrusted me with this gift for a reason. So to anyone out there that is struggling to step out of the cage you have surround yourself within. Remember you cannot be who you are meant to be if you never step out of the cage.

Forgiveness Is Not Tangible

For the past few years I have been trying to forgive my ex-husband. I have overcame stages and stages of hurt and anger. But the stage I find most difficult is Forgiveness.  I used to think that if I put him out of my thoughts and memories that meant that I had forgiven him. But if someone brought up his name it was instant fury and deep seeded rage that coursed through my veins. I had not succeeded in forgiving as I told everyone.  The only thing I succeeded in was pushing thoughts and memories of him to the far corners of mind never to be thought of again, unless someone mentioned his name. So, for the past few years I have been on a quest to forgive a man that hurt me deeply. I have tried all manner of things and they worked-temporarily.  I made the assumption that forgiveness was tangible. Simply, stated I thought that forgiveness was something I could touch.  Recently, I have learned that forgiveness is not an item that can be touched. But I thank God he surrounded me with great friends that has helped me to understand the real meaning of forgiveness. God forgave man he even allowed his only son to be crucified for our sins. When I think of this I feel really childish, I only have a broken heart to consider unlike God who watched his son be beaten and crucified. Forgiveness is letting go of whatever hurt and anger you allowed to attach itself to you. After years of trying to forgive and failing I am starting to see just how great life can be once you rid yourself of old wounds.

Life....Who Knew

Life is unpredictable. We all have had obstacles to climb and overcome. Everyone and I do mean everyone has their own cross to bear. But sometimes we forget just how fickle life can be.  We as people get caught up in the world wind of life. Everyday we make assumptions not only upon ourselves but everyone else as well. We live in a bubble where we assume that we are so great that we should never have to shoulder the burden of hard times. It is those rough patches we stumble across in life that make us better people. I have been reminded of this from a someone whom lost a loved one- God. He watched his son Jesus be beaten and crucified. But yet he forgave us all. So, I guess the question we should all ask ourselves whenever life becomes difficult.   What makes me  special that hard times should never encounter me.  Let me just say it is a humbling experience to realize that God gave he son so that we could be here today. Whatever hardship we may be enduring in our lives at this very moment just know that there is a lesson in every storm we encounter in life. We just have to be steadfast in our faith and know that God will never ever give us more than we can bear. "The sun shines brightest after a storm"-T.W.

Step Outside Your Circle

Good morning blog readers. I pray your day has started with a smile upon your lips and determination in your heart. A few days ago I asked you all to pray for me. I sincerely thank everyone  for their prayers. Today I really wanted to send a reminder out those that perhaps are having the same issues as I was. You have to step outside your circle. Circle can mean your comfort zone or anything you use as defense or coping mechanism, including yourself.  Sometimes it may take someone who is not emotionally linked to you to give a word of encouragement.  I met a lady at a event I was invited to. I had a nice time met several women that were positive influences on society.  I did not think much would happen after the event. Because we as a culture have a habit of exchanging information and just let it collect dust. So when I received a request for a poem or quote for a event I was excited. (It is early morning so I have not had a opportunity to ask the lady that requested the poem to use her name in the blog. So that is why I have not stated her name.)  I received a text from her at about 4am this morning with a link onto YouTube. I have no clue how she knew that I needed motivation and encouragement. But I thank her between the video and prayer I feel renewed in knowing all will be well. So to anyone that reads this today do not be afraid to step outside your circle. "Perhaps the only circle you should willingly shelter yourself in is God because it is impenetrable."- T.W.

Pray For Me.....

Hello, to all my faithful blog readers. The past few months I have experienced happiness. One would think that is great.  I have traveled and spent time with family and friends. But underneath all this happiness I have experienced I realize I am unhappy. Not unhappy with friends and family but unhappy with myself. I feel somewhat empty almost like I am missing something. I just do not know what it could be. I am sending this message in hopes that millions will read it and follow through on what I am about to ask. Pray for me. It does not cost you anything. Just take a tiny part of your day to pray for me. Pray and ask God to reveal my destiny to me. Thank you for you prayers and consideration.

Be Yourself.....Regardless

Hey friends and family of the blogging world. I just wanted to drop a few lines of inspiration. Being who you are meant to be is not always easy. People have a habit of judging and assuming who you are. Sometimes we try desperately to change who we are. You may have the outside world fooled but on the inside you are slowly drowning yourself. You are committing suicide slowly. Be yourself regardless of who may not like the real you. The only person that matters is you. When you approach your elder years the only regret you should have is not having one! Enjoy being the wonderful person you are.  "The most unattractive feature about any person. Are the lies they tell themselves." T.W.

Travel With A Purpose

Hello, wonderful people of the world. I usually do not post in the evenings. But I had to tell someone about the lovely women I met today. I stopped to chat to a friend briefly and met two women that  are on a road trip of sorts. They started in California and are planning to end in Alabama. I asked were they on a road trip?  They told me no.  Their  plan is to stop in states along the way to meet family members that they have never met before. This I thought was extremely exciting . Traveling and meeting different people trying different things is fun and you always learn something new about yourself along the way. We as people are always traveling; whether here or there and somewhere in between. I noticed a few years back that rarely as we travel do we have a purpose. Everyone loves to say they need a vacation. But ask yourself what is your purpose for this trip. What is mechanism that keeps you in constant motion. What is the real reason you are traveling. We spend our whole lives constantly in motion and eventually getting nowhere. As with the two lovely ladies I met today they are traveling with a purpose to meet the family they have never meet. To finally meet the DNA that made you and meet the roots of the family tree is a great purpose. I did not get the wonderful women names but I do wish them safe travel and plenty of excitement along the way. " It is better to travel with a purpose than to travel with no known destination."- T.W.

I am LOVED

Good morning world. My day has started bright and early but that does not bother me. I was lying in bed asking myself what shall I tell the world today. I thought, I wondered and I pondered.  It came to me with a smile upon my lips and flutter in my heart.  For the past year or so I have fell in love with myself. I have found the little quirks about me that makes me truly  unique. Just as I have found the wonderful things about me, I have found the things about me that needs improvement! For the first time in many years I am happy. I struggled for years trying to figure out why I was not loved. I listened to so many self books and tapes that I could probably start my own library. What I find so humorous now it that the answer was always staring me right in the face when ever I looked in the mirror. You see if you do not love yourself it is impossible for any one else to love you. You have to get to know the person you were and the person you have become. You can not expect love to engulf you in its embrace unless you love yourself first. When you love yourself you know exactly how you want to be loved by others. If you take nothing from this post today please take this small bit of information. Love is timeless its embrace will always warm you on the coldest days and cool you during those days where the heat has no mercy. It will always be their waiting with open arms ready and willing to console you. But first you must learn to unlock loves door. If you look in the mirror the key will be staring back at you. So, I ask you when was the last time you told yourself I LOVE YOU?  "Perhaps the key to unlock the solution is YOU" -TW

A QUOTE To Consider

Hello, wonderful people of the world. Last year I purchased a little black book that I decided I would write personal life notes to my daughter. I plan to give the book to my daughter upon graduating high school.  When I started writing the life notes I did not realize at the time I was writing quotes. I like quotes because they are usually packed with great lessons.  The first quote I wrote was as follows:

  "Someone who holds onto the Past as if there is no Present in their Future. Is much like a Hoarder. Who is unwilling to let go of the things that makes no progress towards progression." T.W.

I have written several quotes but this quote will always be my favorite quote. When I wrote it I was going through so much emotional turmoil in my life. My marriage had fallen apart and I found myself a single parent. And I just seem to get nowhere no matter how hard I tried. I realized my life was at a stand still because I had not let go of my past. I have learned that if you cannot let go of your past it is impossible to have a future that does not repeat your past.  So, I hope that this quote will touch someone to let go of the past and release yourself to your future.  "Change is the only Constant the Variable agrees with." - T.W.

Are You Afraid Of SUCCESS

Good afternoon good people of the world.  I hope your day is progressing wonderfully.  I asked are you afraid of SUCCESS because it has occurred to me recently that I just may be afraid of SUCCESS.  A few years back I went through a ugly divorce and started to shut myself out from the world. I eventually started to pull myself through. I remember praying and asking God to surround me with positive people in my life and God, has more than surrounded me with positive people. He has surrounded me with encouraging and successful business women. I encounter these women on a daily basis and I try to assist them with small things that will enhance their businesses. I have a up close view of how to be successful. But yet I am afraid of it.  After giving it much thought and consideration I have come to this conclusion.  This may come as a shock to several but I am afraid of my talent.  It scares me to go out on that limb of allowing people to make a choice of whether they want to purchase what I have to offer.   It is so astonishing to see how people have such confidence in me and yet I have none in my own self. I have been searching for my purpose and destiny for some time now and now believe it has been revealed to me on more than one occasion. But I have allowed fear to conceal it from my view. Success and faith are like ying and yang, there is no one without the other. In order for me to be successful I first need to understand that faith is the root of success and without the root the success can never be. So, to any one else out there that may be going through what I am. Pray and ask God to strength your faith so that you are able to accept your purpose and destiny.

Learn to VALIDATE Yourself

Hello, good people of the world. I actually stop writing on my blog because I felt that no one read it. You see I was searching for validation through how many people I could get to follow my blog. So,  I decided to test my own faith and put myself out there and ask my fellow facebook friends to follow my blog. My goal was to have a minimal of ten people following my blog within thirty days. I discovered that my faith was not as strong as I had assumed. Out of thirty days only one person made any attempt to follow my blog. You see I love writing it is a way for me to escape the world of reality. I felt like a complete failure that I could not even reach the attention of ten people through my writing. So, I stopped writing altogether. I have not written since my last post in February. I went to work today thinking about the word VALIDATION, it has been clawing its way through my mind nonstop lately. And I could not figure out what I was suppose to be doing with the word VALIDATION. It was really starting to annoy me. I love words they can be warm and loving and extremely deadly all in one breath. So, for the word VALIDATION to just claw its way through my mind was really ripping me apart on the inside. So, I go to work hopping that familiar faces will take my mind off the word VALIDATION. A good friend and mentor  out of the blue asks me about my blog and why I had not written anything. She mentioned a older post of mine titled "S.A.R.A.H." I was shocked. I did not know that she had read most of the posts. That particular post is very close to my heart. It is weird because my heart started to beat as if it wanted to come out of my chest. You see it suddenly occurred to me that reason why VALIDATION has been  in a vivid memory of my mind lately, it is because all this time I thought VALIDATION was stalking me, it turns out I was the one stalking VALIDATION. Searching high and low for someone to validate my writing. I have discovered that VALIDATION starts with your self first. You, have to  have faith that your special talent is for you and that you are great at doing it. You have to praise yourself first before anyone else can. So, to my good friend and mentor whose name I will not mention because I did not get permission prior to me writing this post. I thank you so very much for showing me that it does not matter how many people read the blog it only matters that I believe what I wrote. So, good people of the world. I am BACK!!!
Always remember "It is impossible for others to believe in your ability. If you, yourself do not believe in your ability first" T.W

A Healthy You, Makes A Happier You

Good morning, I am sure that many of you have made New Year's Resolutions to lose weight and eat healthy. I take that back thousands of people have made that same resolution including me. But somewhere around mid January and beginning of February we simply give up. Siting work and family as reasons of why we can no longer continue our journey to a healthier version of ourselves. I bet if we would peek inside many homes we would find bookshelves littered with healthy living books and cookbooks and I will not even mention the amount of unused exercise equipment that is stored in the back of closets and garages. Every year we go through a yo-yo effect of starting and stopping always siting the same excuses along the way. Well, guess what.  I am going to clue you all in on something I just recently discovered myself. Your body cannot become healthy if your state of mind is unhealthy. I know you all are probably thinking that this has nothing to do with nothing, oh but it does. If you are working out on a daily basis for  two weeks and you are eating healthy. That means depriving yourself of all that junk that your body has learned to crave over the years. Then you decide that you want to weight yourself because you know you have lost about ten pounds. You weigh yourself and notice that for the past two weeks you have been working out like a gym rat and eating extremely healthy that sometimes when those cravings for a twix wakes you up in the middle of the night. Literally,  have you huddled in your room crying silently begging for day break. You get on the scale and you have lost three pounds you instantly go into a unhealthy mental state of mind. You ask yourself "What the hell is the point" and you tell yourself "I may as well eat what I want, everybody dies from something" You stop trying and whether you decide to admit it or not you become depressed. You begin eating more than you normally would and you end up gaining back those three pounds you lost and then some. What I am proposing may sound crazy but I think it just might be a effective way to becoming healthy mentally and physically.

1.  Prayer - Before you start your day pray and ask God to help you stay focused and positive. Pray and ask God to place people in your life that will encourage and assist you in your goals to becoming healthy inside and out. If you are not a religious person try meditating before you start your day and just take a few moments throughout the day to center yourself.
2.  Stop - Stop making excuses of why you are not eating healthy and working out. The truth is NO ONE cares. After all YOU were the one that made the resolution to become healthy.
3.  Steps - Take small steps do not go out and buy all those eating healthy books and all those exercising equipment. Start with walking for about two weeks and replacing one of your meals with a green drink.
4. Journal - Start keeping a journal of the foods you eat and how certain foods make you feel. This is your journal so say whatever you want. Tell your journal how felt that day. You will be surprised once you go back and read after you have reached your weight goal. You will notice patterns of when you decide to eat a slice of cake instead of fruit. You will notice that most of the time it is not really you that is eating but a EMOTION that is eating. Such as sadness or depression. Most people are emotional eaters.
5. Reward - You should reward yourself. People often stop trying because they refuse to reward themselves until it becomes too late. At the end of every week reward yourself with ONE thing that you really want. Eat and be done with it. No one is perfect you like what you like and you should never feel bad about that.
6. Weigh In - Weight yourself after thirty days and see how well positive thinking pays off.
Hopefully, you all will decide to give it a try and I wish you much success. Until next time always remember that a healthier you is a happier you.

WOW, Really

Well hello good people of the universe. Human nature is so fickle. One minute we are loving and caring urging one another to help our neighbors. The next minute we are questioning whether or not someone is authentic. We humans are so never satisfied. Always trying to one-up another. I find it so annoying that one minute people are singing praises and the next minute they want your head on a butcher block. So, good people of the world I ask you does it really matter that Beyonce did not actually sing the song live. Does it truly matter? There are so many more important issues in the world like abused children and bringing our troops home. Make today matter most by not trying to discredit someone else's success. Like mother used to say "If you have nothing nice to say, then say nothing at all." 

GOALS are Dreams You Want to Achieve

Today, I awoke with many things on my mind. Questions, answers and directions everything was just floating across my mind begging to be brought into existence. But sometimes you just have to push aside somethings in order to meet your Goals. Goals everyday people make goals and everyday millions never reach their goals. Not because they could not achieve them. But because they were too afraid they would fail. And everyone knows when you are afraid you stop. No questions asked you just stop because just the thought of you not achieving what you seek teriffies. You justify for yourself on why you gave up. I am no stranger to this particular mindset. But I refuse to allow myself to hinder me. My goal is have ten followers for my blog by February 1, 2013. I will not lie and say that I am not scared because I am.  I cannot continue to live in fear of never acheiving my goals. So as they say I shall leap into my destiny. " How do you know if "IF" is possible if you never bother to try"-T.W.

New Year

Oh my, what can I say? It is a new year. A new year to start over and perhaps reinvent ourselves. Their should be no going back to last year -the past. We should all focus on a new year of pushing a head to meet or exceed our goals. I cannot promise that this year will be trial and error free or that we will not run into trying times. But as long as we are focused on being a better person and just having faith that God will provide all that we need then we will be okay. Later today I will post my official first blog of 2013. So here is to a new and exciting New Year.

What is your TRIGGER

Most people think that triggers are events from the past. Rarely, do we associate people as triggers. I met my trigger. Every time I see this trigger it brings back memories from my past so vividly, it feels as if I am reliving the past all over again.  I have learned that sometimes you have to do what is best for you regardless of who it hurts.  So, I have decided to move away. To get a fresh start to let myself heal from the past.  What, saddens me the most is that I was never met much to my trigger. The concern was just a facade.  It would have been nice for my trigger to care. But all my trigger could muster was concern. So, this is goodbye.....  "Never allow someone else's comfort to ruin your happiness" TW

Third Eye-Blind

So, it has been a while since I blogged. I have so much to say but I, will contain my excitement and concentrate on the one that sheds the most light.  We as people are blind to so many issues in the world and our lives.  If you have been reading my blogs you know that I have been struggling with a few issues.   Sometimes, you have to sit down and simply listen, reflect, and forgive.  I came to the revelation that often times we subject ourselves to blindness.  We do this by making excuses and compromises.  Those nagging thoughts or that gut feeling that hits you so hard, you have to take a seat to catch your breath. Thats your third-eye also known as intuition.  We ignore our third-eye often refusing to acknowledge its presence. When it seems as if your world is spinning out of control and you are crying yourself to sleep and back awake. Wondering, when did life become so damn difficult.  You look around and see the upheaval you have brought into your life. Asking, yourself why, no one told you what was going on.  But, why would you need someone to tell you what you already knew, had you taken the time to listen to your third eye-intuition. Why, would you listen to someone else when clearly you do not trust yourself to know whats best for you. We could avoid so much unnecessary hurt if we just trust our third eye-intuition. I finally just stopped and listened all my hurt and pain over the past few months could have been avoided had I listened. Instead making excuses and compromises.  I have been reflecting my life these past few months. I finally saw what my third-eye has been trying desperately to show me that I am worth so much more than what has been offered to me. That stained glass window that I created in my mind that I thought was so beautiful, wasn't actually stained at all it was dirt. So, I ask you are you going to continue to look through windows that appear to be beautifully stained. Ignoring the third-eye that is telling you that window isn't worth looking through, or will you look beyond that window to what is for you.... "Sometimes, the best things in life, are not what we want but what NEED"...TW