Look How Far....You Have Come

I know it has a been a short interlude since I have last written. I wanted to take the time to truly apply the lessons I have learned since I have been doing my "A Better You " campaign.  At first I will admit I became frustrated because it felt like. When I accomplished dealing with one lesson I would fail another.  But, as I took a moment to reflect I realized that even Masters are constantly learning new ways to become a master at there particular craft.  They to are constantly tested on whether they should or should not be at the top of their field.  So, I decided that I would not allow myself  to wallow in the mistakes that I have made. I will however, continue to forge ahead with conquering my fears.  I have accepted that there will always be a bump along the way in life's journey.  But it is up to you whether you decide to stop traveling or continue regardless of what may lye ahead.  I used to be so critical of myself because I felt that I should  be much further than I am on my journey of "A Better You".  But I realized that it does not matter how long you have been on the journey, it only matters that you did not stop traveling.  You kept moving even when the bumps in the road became harder to cross.  So, rejoice in knowing that you are not where you used to be.  "Inventions were accomplished by people who were willing to fail repeatedly in the past to become successful today" ..TW

Not Gonna Cry

Today, was a easier than last few days. I guess more so because I know who is for me and whom are against me. I had no idea what I was going to work on for my "A Better You" campaign.  But I was a awoken by the sounds of two consenting adults.  I immediately, wanted to break down and cry my heart out. Because, once again this person is showing me just how much of a friend I am. By throwing his relationship in my face. I quickly dressed for work and left feeling somewhat wounded and broken. I sat in my car several minutes comforting myself. Telling myself do not cry over someone that does not have the capacity to care for you. I told myself that it would be a cry-free day. I cried later on but I was extremely proud of myself for the self-control I used.  Later, I tried to talk to this person and tell him that I felt disrespected but he refused to listen. Once again, I was extremely proud of myself for the self-control I used. I didn't argue nor did I cry. Even, when he tried to be mean I held my tongue and walked away.  So, although I cried today I still accomplished my goal of a cry-free day. I didn't allow myself to cry all day over situations I have no control over.  I am learning every day that some people just do not care. So, I will end with saying this "Kindness is perhaps a commodity that some people will leave on the shelf".. TW

Hold Your Tongue

Today, was my second day of my "A Better You" campaign.  I told myself if I did not have anything nice or useful to say. I would not say anything.  I was quiet for a good part of the day. There were moments when I know I should have spoken but I held my counsel.  I think or rather I know I have a gift for knowing useful information.  I kind of feel like me giving out advice and information cost me something I wanted. And now perhaps I'm afraid that it could happen again.  So, I have been hoarding useful advice and information that could help people. But I'm going to pray myself through it.  Other, than that today has been great.  I'm feeling good about my "A Better You" campaign.

A Better You

Today, was simply one of those days that you can not put a name to.  Today, officially started my "A Better You" campaign.  I awoke early dressed quickly and left the house.  I walked for four hours at the park.  No, technology to keep me motivated just me and my thoughts.  I pondered, wondered, and deconstructed over my past actions.  My goal was to pick one thing I could change immediately.  So, I pondered, wondered some more and then it hit me. I would do everything by myself today no asking friends to accompany anywhere today.  I went to the movies and saw MIP2- alone.  I did not want to go but at the same time I did not want to sit in the house and let my thoughts reason me into doing something foolish.  I found that it was not so bad although there were moments old memories would tried to appear. I repeated to myself "Let It Go". Tomorrow, will be a new day which means a new challenge. I'm excited for whats to come until tomorrow campaign For A Better You..

One Last Cry

I sit here in a old night gown crying. The tears seem like a ever flowing dam. If you ask me why I am crying. I would simply say "for so many reasons".  I'm crying for the loneliness that seems to hug me tightly, the friendship that I lost, the relationship that was never meant to be, the job I didn't get, the daughter that I miss terribly, the goals I did not accomplish.  But most importantly, I'm crying for the new beginning that is a hour away. I do not make New Year's resolutions.  But I vow to myself that next year will not be like this year.  Until, next year  "Greet each day with a smile upon lips and laughter in your eyes".TW     Happy New Year!!!

Forge Ahead

Today, I felt somewhat as peace.  Maybe, it is because I have started letting go of the past.  I have not cried all day. Although, memories seem to stalk me. I held firm to letting go. I would not allow myself to wallow in the hurt and pain I have experienced. I forged ahead because I now realize that I will never receive what is for me. If I cannot let go of the past.  I know that some days will be easier than most. So, I plan to dedicate next year to finding myself.  I have given so much of me I no longer recognize myself. I so look forward to meeting Tiffany (I hear she is Super Nice)!!!

Letting Go Of A DREAM...

It should not be a secret to anyone by now that it is hard for me to Let Go.  Yesterday, was a horrible day for me.  I finally realized that not all dreams are meant to be.  For once I do not have the words to describe how excruciating the pain is. The hurt I feel is beyond measure.  Sometimes, we only look at one angle. We tend to fear what we do not understand.  My fear is being unloved.  I have felt unloved for a long long time.  Most, people view me as being a super nice person.  I will give you anything If I have enough to share.  I try my best to show people how much I care through my actions.  I care and love deeply.  When people hurt me I tend to take it personally.  I have a habit of giving so much of myself that often times I'm left with nothing when the pieces fall.  I long to be loved by someone that is not obligated to love me.  Yesterday, I finally saw my dream for the first time not through my eyes. But, through the eyes of reality. What I physically saw my heart finally felt.  That the love I have to offer will  not be returned in the way that I seek.  I realized that sometimes our dreams may not be realistic or that dream may not be for you. Last night I cried so much because I wanted to finally stop searching for love. I looked upon myself last night and all I could see was desperation.  It clung to me like a second skin. I cried even harder.  When, I awoke this morning my heart felt so much lighter.  With a promise upon my lips and a vow in my heart I have decided to let it go. I'm letting go of searching for love, chasing dreams. And the end of the day, chasing a dream that is not meant for you will prolong what is for you.